this is the last call, this is the final song

Oh Harry, this is a new blog, but it seems like your presence here is destined to be early on. I'm not surprised, you're never very far from anything I do.

I miss you. I really do. I miss the days where the worst that happened to me could still be easily solved by reading about how you and Hermione saved Sirius from the Dementors. When I still believed that one day I'd come across a time turner and I could erase the mean things people said and thought by avoiding them at lunch v2.0. When I thought Draco Malfoy was the person I could hate the most in the world. You always made it go away, particularly when I read from that particular book. Ironically, Prisoner has set me free more times than I care to count.

I'm worried, Harry. I'm worried that my Ron doesn't exist. I'm worried that the Dementors that are sickness, stress and loss are going to take my soul from me. I'm worried that I am so far from my deepest desires that I wouldn't even know what to look for in the Mirror of Erised.

But mostly I'm worried about change. Things are changing out there and I have to be ready to face them when they do, but I always thought you'd be the one constant in my life no matter what, but even the way I see you is evolving.

I always held firmly to the belief that I shouldn't let people in, in the same way that Ginny shouldn't have written to Tom Riddle's memory in the diary she got from Lucius Malfoy. Sometimes letting people so far into your life can be the easiest way to destroy everything you've created. I know that wasn't Jo's message, of course, you're entire story tells us how if you don't let people help you, you're screwed, which is what I've slowly begun to discover. I've changed my tune and I'm glad I've done so, the people in my life are the most important thing to me right now

But as I said, times are changing. Two very different parts of the real world need my attention, and they are each becoming more insistent as the days go on. I can't balance the two anymore if I want to get anywhere and it's frustrating me. As sure as I am that I belong in Ravenclaw I know there must be red and gold in me somewhere, because I must have gotten that from you. Sometimes I wish it would surface more often. I have to make a lot of decisions, Harry and I'm not sure if the logical and diplomatic way is the right one anymore. The past and the present are difficult to deal with at the same time and I have to make the leap if I want to continue, but to do that I need to find the potion that'll help me move forward through the black fire.

It's scary. Being an adult. But I know that I can do this. Because you've done it before and your lessons have been my own for the last twelve years. I know that I will keep learning from you, but I also know that I have what I need to be getting on with. You taught me how to be brave, how to be resourceful and how to know what is worth fighting for and what isn't.

Thank-you. For everything.