They say you never miss the water. Until the well runs dry.

I'm blogging a lot lately. I have a lot of feelings and I don't know how to deal with them. It's odd because I've always been so passive about everything. But lately I've been thinking a lot about how our time [at uni] is running out fast and how I only really started appreciating it at the start of this year. I was just looking at my "drafts" tab on Tumblr and I found this and I thought it'd make more sense if I posted it here where I can link to it on Facebook. It's a semester and a half worth of memories that have shaped this year, and though I'm probably the only one who remembers half of these things, but if you remember any of them or they relate to you, I'd like you to know that I appreciate you and you've made this year much better than bearable.

• Buuuuuuuuutfuuuuuuuuuck.
• Circle, circle. Star, star. Meth, meth. :o
• Flicking imaginary ants at people.
• Garlic Dick 'n' Balls.
• Having a sugar hangover the day after the Quiz Night.
• Perfecting Troy and Abed's handshake.
• Being locked out of Harry Waring for four hours because we were ten minutes late.
• Getting our Pottermore emails on the very first day.
• "This is a no rape zone, and this is a no rape zone, and this is a - THEY'RE ALL NO RAPE ZONES."
• The Green Party in general.
• The fact that "Lord of the Rings" is now a general term for "Fuck You" since the Green Party.
• Spending 32 hours in a row at uni and regretting it like nothing else.
• ... Not learning our lesson and almost doing it a second time.
• Brian only remembering me for one week out of every four.
• Stephen Davies' hair.
• "Professor Dumbledore!" "... ohh you mean Dick Harris?"
• Pokemon TCG games in the common room and Luke winning the inaugural match even though he'd never owned cards before.
• "First years are just scared of everyone. Second years, well, we're awesome. Second/Third year hybrids care more about their diet than their classes and Third years are antisocial shits. The "Fourth" years are okay though."
• Being very close to the start of the Oktoberfest line.
• Having really suspicious conversations with people on the day you first meet them. Yeah, this probably means you.
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. And having people who hardly know me see me crying all over the place.
• The preceding Harry Potter moviethon. And the subsequent Lord of the Rings moviethon. And to future moviethons.
• Oh, that one time that Ash nearly drove into another guy at the roundabout even though she's the safest driver I know.
• $4 guild special at the main cafe.
• That time we grew a snapdragon flower when we weren't mean to.

And there are so many more that occurred via Facebook chat because apparently that's my go-to messaging system these days, and in general conversation that are just as important but not so suited to a blog post like this.
And I hope there will be many more awkward and exciting moments to come.
I apologise for the nostalgia, it's an unfortunate side-effect of procrastination. However at least it's a step up from the more depressing blog posts I have been writing.
Now I'll go back to my essay, I think.

this is the last call, this is the final song

Oh Harry, this is a new blog, but it seems like your presence here is destined to be early on. I'm not surprised, you're never very far from anything I do.

I miss you. I really do. I miss the days where the worst that happened to me could still be easily solved by reading about how you and Hermione saved Sirius from the Dementors. When I still believed that one day I'd come across a time turner and I could erase the mean things people said and thought by avoiding them at lunch v2.0. When I thought Draco Malfoy was the person I could hate the most in the world. You always made it go away, particularly when I read from that particular book. Ironically, Prisoner has set me free more times than I care to count.

I'm worried, Harry. I'm worried that my Ron doesn't exist. I'm worried that the Dementors that are sickness, stress and loss are going to take my soul from me. I'm worried that I am so far from my deepest desires that I wouldn't even know what to look for in the Mirror of Erised.

But mostly I'm worried about change. Things are changing out there and I have to be ready to face them when they do, but I always thought you'd be the one constant in my life no matter what, but even the way I see you is evolving.

I always held firmly to the belief that I shouldn't let people in, in the same way that Ginny shouldn't have written to Tom Riddle's memory in the diary she got from Lucius Malfoy. Sometimes letting people so far into your life can be the easiest way to destroy everything you've created. I know that wasn't Jo's message, of course, you're entire story tells us how if you don't let people help you, you're screwed, which is what I've slowly begun to discover. I've changed my tune and I'm glad I've done so, the people in my life are the most important thing to me right now

But as I said, times are changing. Two very different parts of the real world need my attention, and they are each becoming more insistent as the days go on. I can't balance the two anymore if I want to get anywhere and it's frustrating me. As sure as I am that I belong in Ravenclaw I know there must be red and gold in me somewhere, because I must have gotten that from you. Sometimes I wish it would surface more often. I have to make a lot of decisions, Harry and I'm not sure if the logical and diplomatic way is the right one anymore. The past and the present are difficult to deal with at the same time and I have to make the leap if I want to continue, but to do that I need to find the potion that'll help me move forward through the black fire.

It's scary. Being an adult. But I know that I can do this. Because you've done it before and your lessons have been my own for the last twelve years. I know that I will keep learning from you, but I also know that I have what I need to be getting on with. You taught me how to be brave, how to be resourceful and how to know what is worth fighting for and what isn't.

Thank-you. For everything.